at a bit of a loss

India is great and all, and the vacation to Kerala was amazing, but I can't help but feel at a bit of a loose end. I've already spent a month here and I feel like I haven't done anything substantial for myself. I'm not not friends with anyone here but I also always feel like I'm tagging along rather than being involved with any activities, which just makes me profoundly tired and even less involved. I just wish that I didn't have to work so hard at being around people here, you know? I can't imagine how isolated I'd feel if I did the homestay. I feel alone enough living with 13 other people, who either seem to be happy being alone or have already split into small groups. I don't know.

This weekend I'm hoping to take the train to Varanasi, one of the holiest cities in India, that I've been wanting to go to since before I came here. Hoping also that I can find someone to go with; I don't feel comfortable traveling alone. I don't know, social anxieties just make it so hard to enjoy myself here, and being aware of that and my fleeting time I get even more anxious and worried that I'm not getting the most out of this experience. I'm lucky to be here, I know. I just wish that I felt like that all the time.

It was lovely being in Kerala for its different atmosphere, but in a way it makes coming back to Delhi that much harder. In Kochi there weren't children begging or salespeople that wouldn't leave me alone after I told them 'no' or so many sad stray dogs. There were goats wandering around instead, which was good because they eat a lot of the garbage, and cats. Kochi's probably not going to be like that forever though. It's developing pretty fast, the land is running out, and no one wants to do agriculture anymore, leaving it to migrants from other regions. I think it'll become more like Delhi soon. I feel like Delhi is somehow an inevitability for any developing nation.

It's easy to despair here. There's a lot of hope, yes, and a lot of really smart people working towards better things. But change is slow and there are just so many people here, so many, and I feel like I'm just taking up space and using up resources because I don't know what the best thing to do is or how to do it. Classes here put me into a bit of an emotional yo-yo -- studies in literature are sometimes uplifting by the simple fact that people can write and think such things and that they are out there to be shared, but economics so far is pretty damn depressing and history isn't always much better.

I don't know. Maybe all of this is just part of the funk I'm in right now. Coming back from vacations is always depressing, and realizing that I don't have a whole lot of time left just puts the pressure on. Will probably do more reading for class and then maybe some yoga.

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Listening to: This Will Destroy You - Leather Wings
via FoxyTunes

large update!

So it's been a while.

First, two weekends ago I went to visit some friends of my parents from back when my dad went to Harvard. Here's a picture of them with their dog, Fidel. Their home is lovely and they fed me an enormous amount of food.

Second, for my class on the history of Delhi, I went to see the Qutb Minar! It's a pretty amazing structure in the southern area of Delhi and was built by the first Islamic rulers there. There's a mosque attached to it as well as the famous Iron Pillar, the remains of a university, and the foundation of the Alai Minar, which was a failed attempt by an unpopular king to one-up to Qutb Minar. Pictures are up at the other site.

A few interesting things though:
The mosque in the Qutb complex was one of the first Islamic buildings in the area; previously Hinduism had been the main religion. As such, the mosque has many decidedly un-Islamic characteristics. Almost all of the builders were used to building Hindu temples, which are more based on the square and a series of beams, so many of the arches and domes in the mosque that are characteristic of Islamic architecture are lopsided since the builders didn't know what they were doing. Also, despite the taboo against any images of people or animals in a mosque, this one is full of them. A lot of this is due to the fact that many Hindu temples were dismantled easily and the materials used in them, including already carved pieces of stone, were simply reused. This is something that happens a lot in the history of Delhi; Hindu architects rarely used any type of mortar (which speaks a lot to their skills), and as such whenever the establishment changed and something new had to be built the temples were taken apart to be used in something else.

The Iron Pillar, which is made of 98% pure wrought iron from back in the 4th century AD (over a thousand years before metallurgists in Europe figured out how to cast such pure iron) is only now beginning to rust. It is much older than the Qutb complex and the mosque it stands in was actually built around it; however, according to the inscription on it the Iron Pillar originally stood in a village about 50 km away. It's very strange.

That's not all though! Last night I cam back from having spent 5 days in Kerala in South India. We spent two days in Kochi, the capital of the region, and then the rest in Alleppey, which is near the backwater region. Kerala is dramatically different from most other parts of India, especially Delhi: it has a long international history, having traded with the Arabs for centuries before the Muslim invasion and also being occupied by the Portuguese (led by Vasco da Gama) and the Dutch. Currently it is unusually in having a democratically elected communist government, the highest literacy rate in India, some of the best economic growth in South Asia, and a huge emphasis on gender equality. It's much different from Delhi in other respects too. Tourists are typical there, going to the beautiful beaches, the backwater, and the old churches, and as such they're welcomed. People actually SMILED at me! Strangers! Delhi is a fascinating city but it is not a friendly one, so being in a warmer environment - both socially and climate-wise - was really nice. We stayed at a lovely resort in Alleppey and I got my first professional massage, which was at first a little weird with being handled completely naked by a stranger, but in the end really cool.

There's so much more to talk about, but for now I need to catch up on reading for classes tomorrow. I'll post again with more personal impressions rather than a hurried summary of everything I've been doing.

another brief update

Hello all! Sorry for the long silence - the past week has been full of classes sort of starting and I managed to get sick again. Next weekend I'll be sure to update with my adventures at the Qutb Minar and the Lal Kot (pictures are up!), but I'll probably be going to bed pretty soon here. The reason why? I'm flying to Kerala tomorrow! So the next update will be full of all of my experiences there as well. Pictures too; I'm realizing now though that I need a larger memory card for my camera, so I'll be on the lookout for that. I won't have computer access while I'm gone until Saturday. Anyway, I need to finish packing.

Mom, I'll try to call home sometime this week.

(meep)

assorted adventures!

so!

This week was more or less the first week of IES classes - I say 'more or less' because one professor is not going to be in the region until Monday and as such the classes she's teaching are not yet set timings-wise. (Instead of "times" or "hours," in India they're called 'timings' like, "The timings of the FRRO is 9.30 AM to 4 PM" although I think that that estimation is a little generous. Bureaucracy in India is horrible - everything is disorganized and largely random. Avoid it if you can.) I've attended "Cities of Delhi," however, and the readings alone are pretty fascinating. Delhi may not be as popular or well-known as Kolkata (Calcutta) or Mumbai (Bombay), but it has a ton of history that is steadily reincorporated into daily life here. Again, nothing here is ever completely lost. The stones of ruined temples are used to build new ones.

Things have been a bit crazy here because it will be Republic Day this Saturday. Republic Day initially celebrated the creation of the constitution for an independent India; now it's mostly an excuse for India to show off its army. The result is that for the past two weeks most of the roads leading to Connaught Place (the center of New Delhi, which is specifically where the British government resided) being blocked off randomly so the army can practice their parades. Tanks, air shows, everything. Traffic comes to a complete standstill for hours at a time because there isn't sufficient announcement beforehand that roads will be blocked. After this weekend things should be calming down a bit and it'll be easier to get around the city; right now I'm pretty much restricted to South Delhi.

Demonstrating how I am an independent and self-sufficient human being, I managed to find a market that sold imported goods and cook Italian-esque pasta, vegetable stir-fry, and mozzarella/tomato/balsamic salad with what I found for my housemates. It wasn't very difficult, but it's definitely gratifying to attain a bit more self-sufficiency here. One of the most frustrating aspects so far has simply been being so helpless; we don't know where things are, and Delhi can often be overwhelming and dangerous if you don't know where you're going. But we're getting better. There are a few markets I can walk to as well as several parks, restaurants, and a mall, and I know of some of the other places to hang out in the larger local area like the Defense Colony that I can reach by autorickshaw (which I've gotten use to taking). The hardest thing here so far has been the budget that I've imposed on myself: 4000 rupees per week, or around $100. Normally it wouldn't be too difficult, but these first few weeks have involved such activities as buying notebooks and clothes that I need as well as other toiletries and essentials. Hopefully once these die down and I know of cheaper places to eat I'll be set.

I still can't believe that I'm here, sometimes. When I dream, I'm back at home, planning to come here, or traveling here and realizing that I've forgotten things, or unexpectedly back home for a week or so before leaving for here again. And then part of my brain clicks and says, no, you're here in India, and I wake up. I always have strange dreams when I'm getting used to a new environment, and this has proved to be no exception.

More later. There are a lot of strong impressions that I'm feeling but I'm going to wait until they become more effable before writing them here. peace.

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Listening to: Afro Celt Sound System - House Of The Ancestors
via FoxyTunes

people are amazing

today was a good day.

i finally took my first ride in an autorickshaw, which is as pretty essential experience for living in delhi. the ride was more than a little shaky and noisy, but really pretty interesting, and the drivers i had weren't sketchy even though one of them wouldn't take me to the place i needed to go so i had to pay another one extra to finish the job.

i've officially been accepted into JNU, and officially decided that at this point actually taking classes there is not the best things i could be doing right now. the classes at IES are pretty kickass and with transfer without problem, and at this point i don't want to overload myself too much academically and with travel time.

the big news however is the internship.

we visited this amazing organization called 'manzil' (not sure of the spelling, i'll check at some point) which works on teaching, among other things, english to underprivileged people. the language/education issues in india are immensely complicated with tons of history, and the one reliably true thing about india is that in some part of it history is still a present way of life. english was introduced by the british empire as a means of controlling those who would control the populace; now it's one of the few languages that indians from different provinces might have in common. it's not only a necessity in international business, it's a necessity within india, particularly in any job requiring anything above a college degree (university courses are only taught in english). even hindi, the most widely spoken indian language, is only understood by 30-35% of the population. LANGUAGE. gods, it's complicated.

in any case, this amazing man runs this organization, which basically consists of very passionate people helping each other and children learn what they want to learn and experience what they want to experience. it might not be the most practical organization, but it seems effective and the man's optimism and charisma and intelligence are simply breathtaking. anyway, i'm hoping that i'll be able to intern with this organization.

not everything through IES delhi is awesome. the director is a very intelligent lady, but at some points in time she needs to remember her social skills. at times she seems to be showing off her knowledge at the expense of the students obtaining information from various speakers. so not stellar. still, the staff as a whole here is pretty amazing and very helpful.

more later. sleepy now.

buh

this has been a quiet week for the most part. intensive hindi is predictably intense - in one week we've learned the numbers 1-20 and the tens of the numbers up to 100, polite commands, how to say where things are, basic directions, introductory statements, and a LOT of vocabulary, as well as about half of the extensive alphabet. it's enjoyable to be learning a new language again, but three straight hours of it a day is leaving me pretty frazzled.

not all of the week has been studying hindi. I went with some other people to Ansal Plaza, a huge Western-style mall complex not far from our residence. the first time I went there I was entirely overwhelmed, although in a very different way than how india normally overwhelms me - here everything was Western +10. the indian concept of Western malls is so much more than Western malls actually are. and the mannequins are more than slightly creepy - they have real hair and all of the them are white people. in any case, however, we found our way to the main department store and I managed to find a few more clothes to flesh out the small wardrobe I had brought with me. it's lovely how cheap things are here - I bought three nice pieces for about 2200 rupees, which is only a little over $50. and that's pretty expensive for india.

we also sampled the indian version of McDonalds. unsurprisingly for india, they offer many vegetarian options, including a veggie burger and a veggie pizza roll that looks like a Hot Pocket. the french fries are the same. the ice cream is amazing though.

in other news, I'm considering pursuing the Asian Studies concentration that UPS offers. It requires only 4 classes and two semesters of an asian language, which I could fulfill by taking Hindi through UW back at home after this semester. it's still an idea in the works, but I figure since this semester will already help me fulfill more than half of the requirements it's worth considering.

going to go now - have a bit of a head cold and hindi to study before class.

agra and more

so a little thing happened where I sat in a bus for 4 hours with the end result of SEEING THE TAJ MAHAL. you can see my lovely pictures at http://picasaweb.google.com/lucinda.stroud/ as well as photos I took while on the road to Agra. In driving to Agra we passed through the more rural side of India which we had seen little of in Delhi, and in some ways it's another world. There are people literally living in shacks by the side of the road that are smaller than my bunkbed at home. There are entire villages that you can see for a few seconds while passing by - barber shops, water pumps, children naked in the street, old men resting on bed frames, women crouched and working. And cows, of course, simply sitting, or pulling carts beside the buses and motorcycles, and herds of goats, and chickens, and camels (!), all mingling with the traffic. The traffic here is crazy and hectic, yes, but in a way it freaks me out less than traffic in the States - people use their horns here as a means of letting the cars ahead of them be aware of their presence rather than being royally pissed off. I'm learning that when the people around me are calm I tend to not panic, even if I can barely hear myself think. And one of the main features of Indian culture is a sort of calm pragmaticism. If you know of a way to make an extra dollar, you try it until someone stops you. If you see an extra meter you can edge forwards on the road, you take it. Things don't always work, naturally - I saw the result of a car accident on the way back from the Taj Mahal where one of the small cars was entirely decimated by a truck that had overturned completely. I can't imagine how there would be many survivors.

But enough of that. I WENT TO THE TAJ MAHAL.

You enter the Taj Mahal complex through the gatehouse. Architecturally it's absolutely brilliant; if you walk in the exact center through the archway, the main building of the Taj is revealed to you gradually, step by step. First you see the center building, then two of the surrounding towers, then the other two, then the mosque and corresponding empty building on the other side. And the size is unbelievable. That people could have built something like this... amazing.

A few facts you might not know about the Taj:
The main building and surrounding plaza is built entirely out of Indian marble, which is the hardest in the world. Not only is it incredibly hard; unlike Italian marble it's completely non-porous, meaning you can touch the marble all you want and no harm will come to it. In fact, the way that the Taj is kept clean is by simply washing it every few years with soap and water; it washes off with no residue. The gatehouse and mosque are built of sandstone and thus have to be periodically repaired/maintained.

Speaking of the mosque, although there are perfectly symmetrical buildings on either side of the Taj, only one is properly situated to face Mecca. The other was built entirely for the purpose of maintaining the symmetry of the entire complex and never served any purpose whatsoever.

The Taj took 22 years to build. After completion, the king's son who succeeded him deposed his father, who spent the rest of his life mostly in prison. He's buried at the Taj beside his wife.

(This is the bit I liked the most) Around the archway of the gate house is a long line of Arabic script; this is repeated around the main arch to the Taj and much of the inlay throughout the building. It turns out that all of this writing consists of 14 passages from the Qu'ran detailing mourning and the humility of man before God (suitable texts for a mausoleum); there are 14 passages because the queen the Taj was built to honor bore the king 14 children, dying while giving birth to the last (who also died). Language is beautiful, and I love how it was worked into the architecture. The way religion mixes with architecture is fascinating.

Visiting the Taj Mahal was definitely the highlight of my weekend, but other cool stuff happened as well. I was complimented by the yoga instructor that visited the residence for my technique and had one of the most physically challenging yet spiritually significant sessions that I can remember. I also washed my socks and underwear by hand out of the same bucket I shower from. In short, fulfilling and challenging. This has been a long post so I'll sign off now, but be sure to check out the pictures and leave comments here if you have any questions about any of them. I'll be working on rearranging some of them into individual albums.